SUNDAY, December 10, was Human Rights Day, with the theme of Freedom, Equality, and Justice for All (with italics indicating the emphasis on “all”). It marked 75th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. The most translated text in the world, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights consists of 30 articles and serves as “a common standard of achievement for all peoples and all nations, to the end that every individual and every organ of society[…] shall strive by teaching and education to promote respect for these rights and freedoms and by progressive measures, national and international, to secure their universal and effective recognition and observance[…]”

It is the Universal Declaration of Human Rights that states that we are all born free and equal in dignity in rights, that everyone, without distinction, is entitled to all of the human rights and freedoms outlined, that we all have the right to life, liberty, and security of person, and that no one is to be held in slavery or servitude among many other rights.

The Human Rights 75 Initiative was launched to bring attention to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and a High-Level event was organised to promote universality and indivisibility, look to the next 25 years, and bolster the human rights ecosystem. At the event, the Attorney General delivered pledges on behalf of The Bahamas at the High-Level event to commemorate the 75th anniversary by contributing to “change and concrete progress on the ground on the promise of freedom, equality and justice and accountability[…]” The Ministry of Foreign Affairs website describes the pledges made as:

(1) Strengthening and development of national human rights mechanisms and institutions in alignment with international standards, including the establishment of the Parliamentary Human Rights Committee, the Office of the Ombudsman and strengthening the National Reporting Cooperation Mechanism;

(2) Strengthening cooperation with the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights (OHCHR) as host country for the proposed regional office of OHCHR for the Caribbean Community (CARICOM);

(3) Ensuring equality in nationality rights and

(4) Taking concrete measures to address the existential threat of climate change and its adverse effect on human rights.

These pledges are without much meaning when we consider the complete and decided inaction of the Government of The Bahamas to protect, promote, uphold, and guarantee access to human rights. In April 2023, mere weeks before the appearing before the Human Rights Council for the Universal Periodic Review, the government passed a resolution in the House of Assembly to form a “Human Rights Committee.”

At the Universal Periodic Review, 17 Member States recommended that the Government of The Bahamas establish a national human rights institution (NHRI), many of them specifying that it be in line with the Paris Principles which outline specific responsibilities and modes of operation and gives a specific composition to guarantee independence.

A national human rights institution is not a committee, and it is certainly not a parliamentary committee. It is to have pluralist representation to include civil society and universities and qualified experts. It is to have funding and its own staff to support its independence from the government. It is expected to have a broad mandate including the promotion of the harmonization of legislation with international human rights instruments, encourage ratification and implementation of human rights instruments, contribute to reports to human rights mechanisms including treaty bodies, and to publicly advocate for and increase public education on human rights.

The Government of The Bahamas has not acted in alignment with its purported commitment to human rights. It readily participates in talk shops and makes statements and pledges in international spaces, but fails to follow through on commitments or even acknowledge that commitments have been made at the national level. It is inconsistent even in its international acknowledgement of commitments.

For example, The Bahamas noted (meaning rejected) the recommendation to “ensure the full applicability of the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women,” but supported (meaning accepted) the recommendation to “continue its efforts to harmonise its national legislation to match its international human rights obligations and commitments.” The 1993 ratification of Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women is, in fact, a human rights commitment. It does not make sense for The Bahamas to accept a recommendation to harmonise legislation with international human rights commitments while refusing to fully comply with the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women.

Several member states recommended that the government of The Bahamas take measures to ensure the equal participation of women in political and public life. The government of The Bahamas noted, rather than supported, all of the recommendations in this area that obligates it to take specific action. Its nonsensical and false responses were, “There are a very high percentage of women having leadership in public and political life,” and “Women in The Bahamas are already participating equally in public life with their male counterparts.” It is important to note that the second response conveniently excludes political life. The first response is especially concerning as it is absurd to suggest that less than 20 percent is high representation when women are more than 50 percent of the population.

The Government of The Bahamas is not only content with its own mediocrity, but is consistent in its attempts to mislead multilateral organisations and the general public with regard to its position on issues and progress (or stagnation). It continues to reference the human rights committee as though it meets international standards. It does not. It is not in line with the Paris Principles. It is not a national human rights institution. No amount of pomp and pageantry around it will make it any more substantial or bring it any closer to the international standard. That the same government would suggest that 18 percent of parliamentarians being women is a high percentage is cause for great concern. Either the people submitting responses to the recommendations received in the Universal Periodic Review do not have a basic understanding of mathematics and, in particular, proportions, fractions, and percentages, or they have no commitment to gender equality or women’s equal participation and have set a devastatingly low bar that it does not intend to raise.

It remains to be seen whether or not the government will follow through on its commitment to address the issue of gender inequality in nationality law. When asked about the persisting inequality which prevent women from conferring Bahamian citizenship to their children and spouses, the government said it would take action upon the decision from the Privy Council. That decision was delivered in May 2023, more than seven months ago. Just days ago, the pledge was made to ensure equality in nationality rights. The pledges made by The Bahamas are not concrete and have no timeline, making them difficult to measure which was likely the point. The Government of The Bahamas participates in international events and processes in this marginal way, and perhaps its peers fail to call it out. We need not fail it and ourselves in the same way.

Published in The Tribune on December 13, 2023.

FRIDAY, October 6, marked the 30th anniversary of The Bahamas ratifying the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW). It was marked by a proclamation, printed in both national newspapers, of October 6, 2023, as Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women Day. The Prime Minister called on organisations, businesses, and families to recognise the importance of women’s rights and the elimination of discrimination against women with relevant activities and programmes.

Follow three decades of work by the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women (CSW), CEDAW was adopted by the United Nations General Assembly in 1979. It came into force in 1981. Some may be familiar with CSW as it is a large annual event held at the United Nations in New York City, drawing not only Ministers with responsibility for gender and women’s affairs, but non-governmental organizations that advocate for the rights of women for two weeks of meetings.

In its official programming, CSW results in an outcome document that lays out the commitments made by member states. Side and parallel events give non-governmental organisations and individual advocates opportunities to share knowledge, network, and build solidarity across countries and regions, and they also present opportunities to meet with state representatives and international organisations. It was the cumulative outcome of many years of CSW meetings that made the case for the drafting of the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women, recognising discrimination against women as a specific issue that needed to be addressed.

Since April 2022, Equality Bahamas has been hosting the CEDAW (Convention) Speaker Series, inviting experts — mostly from the CEDAW Committee — to lead discussions on the Convention, one Article at a time. The series started with Swiss human rights lawyer and former CEDAW Committee member Patricia Schulz leading the discussion on Articles 1 and 2. Article 1 focuses on the definition of discrimination against women and Article 2 focuses on the policy measures that must be taken in order to come into compliance with CEDAW, so those two Articles are discussed together just as they are dealt with together in the constructive dialogue in Geneva. Article 3 on basic human rights and fundamental freedoms was presented by CEDAW Committee member Esther Eghobamien-Mshelia, and it was followed by Article 4 on special measures which was led by Bahamian human rights experts Gaynel Curry. The series continued this way, with one expert discussing one Article (or two when they are handled together by the Committee) each month, presenting the text of the Convention, the relevance of the Article to the rest of the Convention, and the application of the Article to the Bahamian context.

I facilitated the CEDAW Speaker Series sessions, and each one deepened my understanding of the individual Articles and the Convention. Each speaker took time to give context for the Article of discussion, grounding it in the purpose and overall content of the Convention. They also made clear connections to other Articles. We tend to understand almost all of the Articles of the Convention as specific to a thematic area, but the overlaps and the interdependent nature of the Articles became with each session, especially as we considered them within the context of the work we are doing at the national level. For example, Equality Bahamas is currently conducting research on parental leave, and while we considered Articles 11 on employment and 12 on health, we realised that we also need to integrate Article 16 on marriage and family life. Article 14 on rural women is particularly relevant and will feature prominently when, in our report, we delve into the specific experiences of women on the Family Islands and how their maternity leave is impacted by the requirement that they leave their home islands to give birth in a hospital.

I was on a radio talk show yesterday to talk about the 30th anniversary of the ratification of CEDAW by The Bahamas and a caller expressed his concern that women in Centreville and in Bain and Grants Towns do not know about CEDAW because they have a lot of children and would not understand what I was saying. My instinct was to respond to a number of implicit biases and incorrect assumptions. One is that women in townships or inner-city communities are all the same — more than the average number of children and less than the average education among other assumptions. This is, of course, not the case.

He also assumed that I am a “sophisticated” woman, whatever that means, who does not engage at the community level. Instead of responding to these assumptions, I listened to the rest of what he said. The point that he really seemed to want to make was that the people who are supposed to benefit from the international human rights mechanisms that the governments sign do not even know they exist, much less how to use them to their benefit. I can easily agree with that point, while making it clear that it is the responsibility of the government to educate the people, promote human rights, and meaningfully engage people on human rights, domestic law, and international law and obligations.

We have become accustomed to the government, with any administration at the helm, shirking its responsibility to the people. It has normalised and continued its withdrawal from social protection, refusing and/or failing to ensure that people’s basic needs are met. We continue to suffer the effects of structural adjustment programmes, even in the face of multiple crises in recent years.

Despite being urged to do so by advocates and the CEDAW Committee, the government has refused and/or failed to educate the public on human rights, the obligations of the government to promote and guarantee access to them, and the international mechanisms that monitor and hold the government accountable in addition to make clear recommendations that must be implemented. In its Concluding Observations following the sixth periodic review of The Bahamas, held in Geneva in 2018, the CEDAW Committee said it was “concerned that women in the State party, in particular those belonging to disadvantaged groups, are unaware of their rights under the Convention and thus lack the information necessary to claim them”. It called on the Government of The Bahamas to “enhance awareness among women and girls of their rights and the remedies available to them under the Convention, including through awareness – raising campaigns, in cooperation with civil society organisations and community-based women’s associations”.

That the general public, and that women and girls themselves, are not aware of and do not understand CEDAW and its implications for all of our lives is not a failure of the public, women and girls, non-governmental organizations, or advocates. It is not due to an inability to gain new knowledge or to understand the content and application of the Convention. It has been thirty years since The Bahamas ratified CEDAW. The government is well aware of what CEDAW is and what it means for women and girls in The Bahamas. It voluntarily ratified it and it has presented its reports to the CEDAW Committee, the most recent being in 2018 and one in progress now. It has decided that women and girls knowing their rights is either unimportant or disadvantageous to the government and the institutions and people who benefit from the oppression, marginalisation, discrimination, and violence against women and girls. Thirty years is far too long for any excuse to hold.

Equality Bahamas has, with limited resources, run a speaker series in the lead-up to the thirties anniversary of the ratification of CEDAW. The recordings of past sessions are available on its Youtube channel and can be accessed at tiny.cc/cssplaylist. The series will continue during the Global 16 Days Campaign which runs from November 25 to December 10. In those sessions, experts will lead discussion on General Recommendations which elaborate on the Convention and address issues that are not articulated in it.

If you are interested in learning more about CEDAW or you would like to organise a session for a group, contact the Equality Bahamas team at equalitybahamas@gmail.com. If you would like to see the government step up to the plate and do the promotion and education part of its job as it pertains to human rights, say so. Contact the Department of Gender and Family Affairs to find out what it is doing, and contact the Office of the Prime Minister to urge the Prime Minister to properly resource the Department and transition it to the Ministry so that it can function as a national gender machinery and to build a national human rights institute which would monitor human rights, receive complaints, make recommendations, and provide education on human rights to the public. These have already been recommended by the CEDAW Committee and by member states through the Universal Periodic Review, so it will not be news to them. What would be news, however, is that members of the public are paying attention and have the demand, if not the expectation, that human rights be fulfilled.

Published in The Tribune on October 11, 2023

I recently participated in an interactive session organised by a nongovernmental organisation for community members. The participants were a diverse group of people, including single, married, and divorced people, people in their early twenties to people in their sixties, and people of many different sexualities. They sat together, listening to a presentation on the domestic violence law in their country, then moved into small groups to talk about their experiences of domestic violence.

Every participant had experienced domestic violence or knew someone who had. The types of violence varied. We heard the story of someone who experienced economic violence, deprived of their basic needs. We heard the story of someone who experienced sexual violence perpetrated by their parents. We heard the story of domestic violence that moved into public space. People were asked to not only share their experiences, but whether or not they reported, why or why not, and the outcomes. One of the stories was of a man who tried to report domestic violence at the police station and was turned away. The police officer told him it was not domestic violence because he “you’re a man.” One of the stories was about a gay man who called the police when he was physically abused by his partner. A police officer went to the house, but upon realising it was a gay couple, told them it was not domestic violence because “you’re a man,” and laughed at them. The person who called was upset by this, but not deterred, so he told the officer, “It is domestic violence. He is my partner and we live together.” The police officer still did not offer any assistance and left the residence.

No one was surprised by the responses of the police in these stories involving men. It is well known that there is a limited understanding of domestic violence. People, including police, often find it hard to accept that men can be victims of violence. In addition to that, from the stories, we see that police officers also fail to understand that domestic violence does not only occur between one man and one woman, and that domestic relationships are not always between one man and one woman. They do not understand or accept that relationships and households take many different forms, and all people are entitled to security of person and equal protection of the law.

The stories of the man who experienced violence sparked discussion about gender. What is it, and how does it impact the way we treat one another? We talked about the way the inadequate response to gender-based violence against women has helped to create this environment in which we struggle to address domestic violence and intimate partner violence against men. This, of course, goes back to gender ideology and the gender norms developed and reinforced by society. We are taught that men and boys are to be tough, and women and girls are to be soft. We are taught that men and boys are to be in charge, and women and girls are to follow instructions. We are taught that men and boys are to have limited emotions and emotional reactions, and that anger — especially anger that is loud and on display — is more appropriate than sadness or grief, and women and girls can have more emotions and emotional reactions, but are not entitled to anger.

Almost everyone at the session shared a story. Everyone expressed, in some way, that they experienced both sadness and anger. Some of them described feelings of grief and betrayal. They talked about what they knew would be expected of them. To stay. To leave. To cover it up. To suffer, both for people who were supposed to stay or supposed to leave. To overcome. To forget. To make peace. To bury their feelings.

There was a strong reaction from a religious leader participating in the session. The person spoke passionately about the pain that women go through when they are physically and sexually abused — physical and emotional pain. It was said that many continue to search for ways to make things better and reduce the harm caused to them. Eventually, many of them resign themselves to the situations — violent households that can no longer be considered homes. They go through the motions of their daily lives, from work to childcare to community events to church functions, and deny themselves the human response to pain. They have no support from the people around them, and are hyper-focused on saving their marriages, not themselves, because they can see no way out and think they may as well have the dignity of appearing to be in a happy marriage and home. It is a double-life, it takes more than double the effort, and it is a kind of death that they experience, over and over again. They die so that the marriage, and the perception of it, can live.

It may be time for marriage to end. Time for marriage to cease to exist. It continues to be seen, in some circles and cultures, as a goal and a necessary step in life, rather than an option that has a specific set of benefits that are, in many ways, outweighed by the negative aspects. No one is selling marriage very well right now — not the government, and certainly not the (anti-rights) church. Marriage is, according to them, an automatic reduction or complete erasure of rights. Married woman? Can’t pass on your citizenship to your child unless your husband is a Bahamian or you give birth in The Bahamas, because your citizenship is weaker due to your marriage. Oh, don’t forget that these sick individuals think you give up the right to make decisions about your own body when you get married, and the person you marry has more control over it than you do. You become a sex object and you have no legal right to withhold consent, and according to the anti-rights misleaders’ interpretation of The Bible, you are required to submit without thought and regardless of feelings.

Lyall Bethel said he would “reject any law that would weaponize sex in a marriage.” Well, sex is already weaponised. That is, unless we acknowledge that there is no sex without consent, so what people are doing, legally, when they force their spouses to have “sex” is rape. Rapists and rape apologists are weaponizing widespread misinterpretation of biblical text to rob women of their bodily autonomy when they get married.

He asked, “The cries, the statements being made, what more do you want?”

We want men — especially rapists and rape apologists — to either shut up or support the rights of women to make decisions about their own bodies and to be full human beings with access to all of our human rights, whether or not we are married. That would be an acceptable start.

We want religious misleaders to disabuse themselves of the notion that their deranged interpretation of a text they have chosen to follow and use to mislead others is an acceptable basis upon which to govern this secular State.

We want men and the misleaders they follow to stop raping people, and to stop encouraging others to rape.

We want them to be more disturbed by the death of a woman, the rape of a woman, the lost humanity of a woman than they are by the fact that women are human beings with bodily autonomy and men do not and cannot own them, married or not.

He said, “We already have something in place.”

What is in place is an exclusion. It is a law that says it is legal for a man to rape his wife. Section 15 applies only in cases where the two people are divorced or legally separated. That he considered this to be sufficient makes it clear that he denies married women their humanity.

He said, “It is feared that the social ills in our country will increase dramatically, namely less marriages, which in turn leads to destruction of the nuclear family, which was designed by God almighty for the flourishing of society.”

Rape is a social ill. Violence against women is a social ill. Misuse of scripture to support the abuse of women is particularly sick.

I look forward to less marriages. I look forward to people being able to freely leave relationships that are not happy or healthy, and that no longer work for them. I look forward to the complete rejection of the institution that the anti-rights Christians think they own when it is regulated by the State. I look forward to the complete destruction of the fantasy of the nuclear family which is unfamiliar to many generations of Bahamians because we have always had extended families and will continue to need them as the cost of living increases and our elders need our care. I look forward to society flourishing when we learn that we are interdependent, that parents do all of the childcare work, that money does not solve all of our problems, and that we are our greatest resource when we live in love and peace, free from violence, including the kinds of violence that some religious misleaders tell us is condoned by the men who wrote The Bible.

I look forward to us finding other ways to show the world our commitment to one another in love. I look forward to new ways of sharing property and ensuring that we can, in dire circumstances, have the legal authority to make decisions on each other’s behalf in accordance with our expressed desires. I look forward to alternatives to marriage, and to generations and generations of people overwhelmingly choosing that alternative instead. I look forward to relationships where love, freedom, and safety reside without the contradiction or imposition of anyone’s favorite scripture to weaponise. I look forward to the end of marriage — the institution that far too many people value over the people in it. May this weapon, wielded against women, be destroyed.

Published in The Tribune on September 6, 2023.

The Government of The Bahamas has made the decision to be lazy and to, once again, scapegoat the Bahamian public in its attempt to provide an excuse for its refusal to perform one of its primary functions — to protect, promote, uphold, and expand human rights. It made the decision, without proper consultation with civil society, to not only shelve the marital rape bill, but to shelve the years-old Gender-Based Violence bill and instead pass the nonsense “Protection Against Violence” which makes no reference to gender and does not even have an elementary level definition of violence.

The Attorney General, in his statement intended to defend this administration, said that the public would be confused by the word “gender”. This Progressive Liberal Party-led administration has determined that “gender” is too scary a word. This comes after a Progressive Liberal Party-led administration dubbed the constitutional referendum on nationality rights a “gender equality referendum” in 2014, and after the same administration “expanded” the Bureau of Women’s Affairs into the Department of Gender and Family Affairs in 2016. Then Minister of Social Services and Community Development Melanie Griffin said the Department would “be tasked to coordinate, advocate and inform policy for, and on behalf of, women and girls and men and boys, as well as the family unit”.

At some point, the Progressive Liberal Party had at least a vague understanding of gender. It was not afraid of the word, nor was it quite this terrified by the reactions of general public to the term. It believed, it would seem, that it was possible to educate the public on gender and the importance of a gender approach in Social Services, where the Department sits, and in governance. It understood that women and men, currently the only two genders they dare to acknowledge, are perceived differently, are socialised differently, have different needs, and require different approaches to achieve particular outcomes. In fact, in the first year of monthly non-governmental organisation meetings organised by the Department, it was determined the gender-based violence was an issue that we could organise around and work to address with relative ease because people generally agreed that gender-based violence was a scourge, much like today, that needed specific attention. In fact, it was considered “low-hanging fruit”. Today, the Progressive Liberal Party does not even want the words “gender-based violence” in the bill that it led us to believe was meant to address gender-based violence.

In 2015, the Strategic Plan to Address Gender-Based Violence was published. This Plan fed directly into the 2016 drafting of the Gender-Based Violence bill. The Department of Gender and Family Affairs held meetings with regard to the bill, and one of the particular areas of focus was the development of the institutions that the bill would create including the Gender-Based Violence Authority (now absent from the nonsense “Protection Against Violence” bill). At the time of her 2017 visit to The Bahamas, the United Nations Special Rapporteur on Violence Against Women emphasized the need for comprehensive law addressing violence against women (VAW). Violence against women, it is important to note, is a form of gender-based violence. It is as important to note that women and girls disproportionately experience gender-based violence. This is not because women and girls are inherently at-risk, but because they are put at risk by harmful gender stereotypes and ideology that simultaneously suggest that women and girls should be subservient and that men and boys should be dominant and domineering. These harmful gender stereotypes reduce masculinity to violence and denigrate the feminine while putting it in opposition to masculinity.

The Bahamian public is not incapable of understanding gender. It is not necessary for everyone to study gender theory. The important piece for us to all understand is that both women and girls and men and boys are taught that they need to behave in certain ways, perform certain tasks, and occupy space in specific ways. We are all socialised and come into our gender performance based on what we see in our homes, schools, workplaces, and other places where we spend time with and are influenced by other people.

For example, girls are given dolls to pretend and practice motherhood while boys are denied dolls, even when they want to play with them. Boys are sent to play outside, allowed to run around and climb trees, and scolded for crying because that is reserved for girls. These are some of the ways to confine people, based on their gender, to particular activities, expression, and ways of being. It is not difficult to see how these seemingly small experiences from childhood are connected to the electives girls and boys choose in school, programmes they enter after high school, structure of their families and households, and their ability and willingness to negotiate salaries and seek promotions.

We can look to our own experiences to see how people treat others when they deem their behaviour or performance to be outside of the constraints outlined for all of us, and it is not difficult to see how people, frustrated by these limitations and/or failure to adhere to them, respond in violent ways, and with impunity. There is no excuse for violence. People make excuses for it quite often, and use gender to do it. In simple terms, gender-based violence is harm inflicted upon a person because of their gender or that is disproportionately experienced by people of a particular gender, and it can take various forms including verbal, physical, sexual, psychological, and financial.

We need a law that specifically addresses gender-based violence. The Gender-Based Violence Bill is not, as some people believe, focused on criminality and punishment. There is significant focus, in the bill, on creating systems that enable survivors of gender-based violence to access the services and resources they need with ease. A general violence bill entirely misses the mark. We need a system that takes care of the survivors of gender-based violence, and this can only be built on the understanding that gender-based violence is not (a subset of) general violence.

Prevention of and intervention in gender-based violence requires an understanding of and changes to societal knowledge and attitudes about gender. Collecting and analysing data on gender-based violence is critical. There can be no shortcuts. If the Government of The Bahamas is truly interested in ending gender-based violence and if it actually cares about women and girls in this country, it cannot throw its hands up and declare the people too stupid to be engaged, educated, and sensitized. It cannot be too afraid to pass laws to benefit people who are at-risk. If this administration is not prepared to legislate, make policies, and meet human rights obligations, it ought to make the way clear. There is work to be done, and we do not need seat-warmers.

But what is the difference between sex and gender?

There is a difference between sex and gender. The term “sex” is used to refer to biological characteristics which have, in recent years, been used to put people into two supposedly distinct groups — female and male. Sex is assigned at the time of birth based on the appearance of genitalia. There are two main factors that complicate sex as many understand it. One is that sex is not binary, meaning there are not just two sexes as is still indicated by many forms that have two checkboxes — one labeled female and one labeled male. The two sexes that are widely recognized are also not opposites.

Sex, while treated as though it is biological, is actually a social construct. People, many years ago decided that having specific genitalia meant that a person was a particular sex. At the same time, we all learn about sex chromosomes in grade school. As a refresher, chromosomes carry the genes that determine sex. Cells with two X chromosomes determine that a human being, and other mammals, is female. Cells with X and Y chromosomes determine that a human being, and other mammals, is male. Every person does not have XX chromosomes or XY chromosomes. Some people have XXY chromosomes, and there are other variations. In addition, some people have both ovarian and testicular tissue.

These biological differences are not in keeping with the idea that there are two sexes. Intersex people, with different chromosomes and with differences in their internal and external sex organs, exist. People are assigned “female” or “male” based on their external sex organs at the time of birth, but sex cannot be determined on a biological basis without further examination. Intersex people are sometimes incorrectly assigned “female” or “male” and later find out they are intersect, sometimes during puberty when their bodies go through changes that are considered inconsistent with their assigned sex. In some cases, where there is a noticeable difference in genitalia such as a newborn having both, doctors, based on their own assessment of which one is most dominant, preform a procedure to disguise the other, and this can result in complications later on as genitalia are not the only factor in sex.

The insistence that there are only two sexes excludes intersex people in many ways, and it continues a harmful ignorance that can be violent. In reading the description of the biological differences that intersex people may have, another word may have come to mind that was widely used decades ago. “H———–e” is a derogatory word and is no longer to be used. The appropriate word and sex is “intersex.”

Gender is not the same as sex. Gender refers to the socially constructed characteristics (constraints) and behaviours required of people based and the relationships between people based on their assumed sex. Society decided, and continues to decide, how people should be in the world, and this can vary greatly from one region to another and from one country to another. In some places, like The Bahamas and many countries in the Caribbean, people have difficulty understanding and accepting that there are more than two genders. In other countries, like India, there is an officially recognised third gender. In other places, through a combination of education, sensitisation, advocacy, and interest in respecting the humanity of people, people understand that gender is spectrum and gender should not be forced upon anyone or used as a weapon against anyone.

We have a long way to go. We obviously do not have a government that is prepared for the journey. Civil society has to step up. If you’re interested in learning more and doing more, get in touch with Equality Bahamas at equalitybahamas@gmail.com.

Published in The Tribune on August 9, 2023

Comprehensive sexuality education in all schools is an absolute necessity. It is a preventative measure that can and does protect children from sexual violence in various forms including incest and rape by people known to them. The absence of comprehensive sexuality education and the ongoing refusal to implement it in all schools is not only a disservice to children and the people who have gone through the system, but an act of violence. It is withholding information that is critical for people to assess risk, make good decisions, identify acts of violence, and report threats, intimidation, and acts of violence toward them by (would-be) perpetrators.

The children of this country need access to information. We need to acknowledge and respond to the fact that they will not be children forever, and they cannot be expected to responsibly participate in a world they do not understand. Providing them with information gives them the ability to make informed decisions. It does not promote or encourage recklessness.

Comprehensive sexuality education does not teach children how to have sex. It increases their ability to prioritise their health and wellbeing, not only when they decide to engage in sexual activity, but as they navigate relationships.

Below are ten facts that are important for us to know about comprehensive sexuality education.

  1. It is scientifically accurate. It includes biology and uses the proper names for body parts including penis, vagina, vulva, and anus. Knowing these words and being able to identify these body parts is critical for children as it enables them to clearly communicate about what is happening to their bodies and report acts of sexual violence against them.

  2. Contraception, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are covered. Students are introduced to condoms (both external, known as male condoms, and internal, known as female condoms), oral contraceptives (commonly known as birth control pills), implants, injections, patches, and intrauterine devices. They are taught about pregnancy and how it happens, how it can be prevented, and which contraceptive methods also protect against STIs. It is important for young people to know the proper names and common names of STIs, the symptoms, how they are transmitted, and the available treatments. At least as important as this information is national statistics on the prevalence of STIs.

  3. Comprehensive sexuality education is for all ages and curriculum is designed to be age-appropriate. Those in the first grade do not receive the same information as those in the tenth grade. Younger students are taught that their bodies belong to them, that there are good touches and bad touches, and that they can trust their own instincts and feelings about which touches are good and which touches are bad. They are taught about consent in simple, relatable ways and given permission to say no when anything is uncomfortable, and encouraged to talk to their parents or another authority figure if someone makes them feel uncomfortable. High school students are taught more about biology, relationships, and making the distinction between sex and rape.

  4. Comprehensive sexuality education has a human rights approach. It focuses on the humanity of people and does not aim to shame them for the changes in their bodies and their curiosity about sex. It affirms young people’s identities and how those identities affect the way they experience the world. They learn about discrimination and violence, and they are taught the value of empathy and being able to resolve conflict in nonviolent ways.

  5. Self-determination is a critical part of the curriculum. By providing this information, young people are empowered to make their own decisions. They are given life skills that they will need and use forever. These include condom negotiation, which can be difficult for people of all ages, and firmly, confidently saying no, even under pressure to say yes.

  6. Power dynamics are included in comprehensive sexuality education. Young people, especially children, need to know that people in positions of authority and older people do not get to automatically do whatever they want to their bodies. They learn that they own their bodies. They also learn that people sometimes misuse and abuse power. Adults may use age or positions such as teacher, religious leader, or relative to convince young people to do something, to not talk about something that happened, that something terrible was okay, or that no one would believe them. They need to be aware of this and to know that it is manipulation and it is wrong.

  7. Discussions about healthy relationships are an important part of comprehensive sexuality education. Young people often start thinking about, observing, and entering relationships before the adults in their lives know or talk to them about it. Navigating relationships is difficult, and they need to be equipped with tools that help them to be clear about what they want, clearly communicate what they do and do not want, set boundaries, see red flags, prioritise their own wellbeing, and get help from an adult when needed. They need to know that relationships should be mutually beneficial, should not involve pressure to do anything, and should not involve any form of violence.

  8. Sexual and reproductive health and rights are deeply connected to comprehensive sexuality education. Having this information is a right for everyone. Young people need to know the age of consent. They need to know what consent means and what does and does not constitute consent. They need to know when and how they can access healthcare on their own and what that healthcare should include.

  9. Gender, discrimination, and violence have to be included in comprehensive sexuality education. Gender is a factor in various parts of the curriculum including power dynamics and the legal age of consent. Discrimination is also relevant in those components. Violence is, unfortunately, always relevant and the risk of violence can change with age, gender, socio-economic status, and various other identity markers.

  10. A sex-positive approach is critical to the success of comprehensive sexuality education. Sex should not be presented as bad or negative, and people who have sex should not be characterised that way either. It needs to be acknowledged that sex involves pleasure. It is not exclusively for procreation, nor is it for the enjoyment of one person. It should be mutually enjoyable. This is important as it makes clear that sex should be a good experience for the people involved and not a sacrifice that is made for or to someone else. This is helpful for people as they make a distinction between sex, which is consensual and enjoyable, and sexual violence which is nonconsensual and in many cases, though not all, does not feel good. This is not the same as encouraging sexual activity. It is providing important information that they can use to assess situations, both in the future and in the past.

It is our responsibility to ensure that children are protected from predators, young people have the information and confidence to make good decisions and access to the services and resources they need, and perpetrators of violence can be identified, reported, and appropriately charged. We cannot do this by pretending young people will be immune to their own sexuality and abstain from sex unless we acknowledge the existence of sex and sexuality. It is unrealistic to expect them to accept the directive to abstain without any further information or the explanation of other options and the related risks and benefits.

Reports on sexual violence are in the news every day. There are cases of incest, statutory rape (reported in very incorrect, misleading terms as “unlawful sex with a minor”, conflating rape with sex), and rape that get very little attention unless we hear specific details. Sometimes the age of the survivor or the circumstance of the assault cause alarm and upset, but every case does not get the same response. People have become and are becoming desensitised. People are finding ways to excuse sexual violence. Rape culture continues to dominate, leading adults to blame children for being preyed upon by adults. Adults demonstrate their complete ignorance about consent every day. Young people are not the only ones who need comprehensive sexuality education, and that is obvious, but they certainly need it immediately.

Many parents are unwilling to talk to their children about sex. Many are unequipped. Many do not want anyone else to do it. What ends up happening is young people learning from other young people, and young people using the internet and turning to popular culture for answers to their questions. Depending on the sources they find, they could get accurate information, or they could be misled. We have the opportunity to ensure that they have accurate information and access to resources and services. This should not be squandered in the name of fear. Adults have to get past their discomfort, and they need to prioritise their children. The government needs to take responsibility for the education and health of the people in this country.

Comprehensive sexuality education needs to be in all schools and at all grade levels. We cannot afford the consequences of not making this decision. We need to end rape. We need to end incest. We need to end all forms of sexual violence against everyone. This begins with education, and this is the only way to truly empower the people who are at the highest risk.

Published in The Tribune on July 26, 2023

It is nowhere near surprising to read news stories about increased reports of sexual violence. It has become a near-daily challenge to get through articles about court cases involving men who have raped or otherwise sexually assaulted children where their crimes are referred to as sex or, in some other way, named as though they are not criminal, abuses of power, and void of consent.

The language used by police and courts is used in newspapers, all but erasing the word “rape” from public conversation. This is, in part, how we have come to talk about children as though they are adults, and survivors as though they are perpetrators. This is rape culture. This is adultification of children (and black girls in particular), the hatred of women, the refusal to acknowledge human rights, and the determination of far too many people to ignore the crisis that is gender-based violence.

Violence of many kind has been normalised in The Bahamas. It has been a part of our everyday vernacular for a long time with words like “hit” being used to describe various acts that are not necessarily violent, and threats of violence are made loosely, in jest, and without reproach.

“Rape” is used to describe various activities that people consider unfair, but which, otherwise, do not compare to the vile, criminal act of sexual violence. Somehow, though, when it comes to rape, the language changes. There is less willingness to use the appropriate word — rape. Instead, terms like “unlawful sex” are used to refer to the criminal act of a man raping a child. There is no excuse for this. Police reports do it, then the news media does it. The courts do it, then the news media does it again. One says they are using the language of the other, for consistency, yet the law says that the offence is rape.

Rape is caused by rapists. Rape culture makes it easy for rapists to rape people. Rapists seek to dominate, so people in situations of vulnerability, largely due to their identities, are often targeted. These include women, children, and people with disabilities. Rape, as we have seen in the reported cases over the past few weeks, does not need many conditions in order to occur. Rape happens during the day, and it happens at night. It is perpetrated by rapists indoors and outdoors. Rape is perpetrated against strangers, family members, friends of family members, friends, co-workers, people under the care of the rapist, and people with many other relationships to the rapist. There is no single act or set of actions that anyone can take to prevent themselves from becoming the target of a rapist. Rapists rape.

It is not that nothing can be done to prevent rape, but that preventative action is not for potential targets to undertake. It is not up to individuals to protect themselves from rapists. It is for governments to enact and enforce laws, make clear the obligations of institutions, including schools and workplaces, connect institutions and stakeholders and facilitate ongoing communication and implementation of action plans, develop appropriate, effective interventions, provide support services for survivors, centre survivors and their healing in justice systems and practices, and provide programmes for perpetrators that rehabilitate and prevent recidivism.

Asked about the increase in reports of sexual violence, the police press liaison officer said there are “crimes of opportunity because we are not taking the time out to put necessary precautions in place”. Let us assume, for the purpose of usefulness and productivity, that the officer was referring to prevention that must be led by public institutions. What precautionary systems and measures should be in place?

Let’s start with the root of this issue. There is a dangerous gender ideology that stems from slavery, colonialism, capitalism, and patriarchy that has convinced people that women are subhuman, are to be dominated by men, and are objects. It has also convinced people that men are to perform masculinity in the most toxic ways which include violence, hostility, a very limited range of emotions, and both the willingness and ability to dominate anyone who is not a man performing in the same way, especially women and men who are not (perceived to be heterosexual.

The vast majority of sexual violence is perpetrated by men. This is not disconnected from toxic masculinity or the constraints of the gender ideology that put women and men in boxes while marginalizing all other people. One of the ways that some men seek to assert their masculinity — and distance from femininity which has been so devalued by heteronormative gender ideology that it is regarded as perverse — is perpetrating violence. When manhood is questioned, when masculinity is undermined, when authority is not theirs alone, see how many men thump their chests and proclaim, “I’s man!”

Listen to the threats they spew. Watch the way they engage women as opposed to men. Listen to the way women talk about their experiences with them. Differentiate between the platonic love and respect they have for each other and the vitriol and disdain they have for women they may even claim to love.

Where a relationship exists, perpetrators of violence convince themselves that it is ownership. Where a relationship does not exist, and a perpetrator wants there to be a relationship, he decides to punish. Where a relationship does not exist and the perpetrator has no interest, and ownership — by another man — is not established or immediately evident, the perpetrator assumes control.

Rape is about power and control. Relationships only determine how a perpetrator violates a person, unless he respects a man who has already claimed ownership. All of this is misogynistic. All of it is dehumanising. It is all linked to the idea that women are subhuman and subject to the whims of men. This dangerous idea is perpetuated in explicit and implicit ways, from fathers giving their daughters away at weddings to the normalization of sexual harassment in public spaces. None of this has anything to do with what women do or do not do, or efforts made or not made to protect ourselves from rapists. It is directly related to societal ideas and behaviours related that subjugate, devalue, and dehumanize women and girls.

The press liaison officer, unfortunately, went on to do what we have come to expect from the police. Victim blaming. “Females need to make sure that they are upfront and they are honest with their family members in letting them know where they are going, who they are going with, and not saying you going one place and you end up another and something goes wrong.”

While we may agree, in theory, that it can be helpful for us to let people know our plans, we need to be realistic about the benefits of the practice. If something goes wrong and people know where we are, then what? Something has already gone wrong. Sure, we may be found and receive assistance sooner, but the violation has already occurred. No sharing of plans would prevent a rapist from raping in a location that we disclose. The problem is the rapist. We can, of course, delve into the reasons people lie and withhold information, especially when there are differences in values and fear of judgment. For now, we need to be realistic about where prevention takes place.

Prevention is in schools. It is in the way we teach children about their bodies, about consent, and about paying attention to and responding to their instincts. It is in comprehensive sexuality education, and discussions on healthy relationships, warning signs of abuse and abusive partners, sex positivity, and bodily autonomy. It is in households. It is in the way we tell people to moderate their behaviour, the respect we show and demand be shown to our children, the communication channels and practices, and the modeling of safe, healthy relationships of various kinds.

Prevention is in street lighting. It is in safe, reliable, accessible public transportation, and having it as an option at night. It is in the clearing of bushes, pedestrian crossings and enforcement of traffic laws. It is in legal reform to criminalise rape, contributing to the widespread understanding that rape is rape, no relationship is a defence for rape, and women are human beings with human rights regardless of marital status. It is in legal systems and practices, from bail to assessing the actual effects of a sexual offenders registry to reporting mechanisms.

Prevention is in the way government officials regard women and girls, and the urgency with which they respond to issues, especially gender-based violence, that directly affect us and often lead to femicide.

The Minister of Social Services said: “The rush of the past in dealing with sensitive issues have failed and caused Bahamians to be sceptical and cynical about what they perceive is haste without complete dialogue with the people.”

This is a matter of urgency. Years and years of back and forth on a bill, turning it into a senseless debate when it is an issue of human rights, is not rushing. This issue is not sensitive to anyone but the people experiencing violence every day, and having little or no recourse. It is not sensitive to government actors, content to let bills like the marital rape bill and the gender-based violence bill languish, and who allow extended discourse about whether or not it matters that a woman is raped if the rapist is her husband. There is no sensitivity there, and there is certainly no sense.

The minister also said: “The position of the Church is fundamental and has been in each step taken in the growth and development of our country.”

The Church is fundamentalist. The religious leaders who are talking about this issue, delaying the bill with their misogynistic, violent nonsense are fundamentalist. They fundamentally believe that women are less than men. That women do not deserve rights. That men should get away with rape if they are married to the victim or survivor. That their god is pleased with violence. That their opinions are more important than the fact that rape is violence, women have human rights, and that those rights include freedom from violence.

This is what is delaying the passing of the marital rape bill. This is what is delaying the gender-based violence bill (rather than the significant work that needs to be done to make it useful, including actual engagement with human rights experts and NGOs with proven technical expertise on women’s human rights rather than the government’s — or the Attorney General’s Office’s — selection of yes-organisations).

“We have made progress, and we will soon complete our due diligence,” the Minister of Social Services said.

What progress? What due diligence? What is the meaning of “soon”?

It is interesting to see the specific ways that government institutions suggest we, women and girls, protect ourselves, juxtaposed with the vague, unsubstantiated nonsense they offer when pressed to do more than perpetuate rape culture by blaming us for the violence we experience.

If the government did its job, we would be able to go to ours without being raped on the way, or on the way back, or while there, or during a call to tell someone where we’re going, or when catching a ride, or or or or or.

At some point, the government, especially legislators and law enforcement, must accept that the blame is on rapists, and that they facilitate rapists far better than they protect us, the women and girls who live with the perpetual fear of rape, and/or the memory of it.

Published in The Tribune on April 5, 2023

International Women’s Day is two weeks away, and the celebration of The Bahamas’ 50th year of independence is 20 weeks away. Whenever there is talk about independence, I think about women’s rights.

I look for the progress that has been made and all that we still need to do, for the people of The Bahamas and, in particular, women.

It is sobering to think about the meaning of independence, the effects of colonisation, and the continued refusal to free ourselves of the discriminatory and violent laws – largely inflicted upon us by Britain – that continue to limit us in many ways.

Colonisation has long-lasting effects. In The Bahamas, we can see the influence it has had on every facet of life.

We drive on the left side of the road. Ideas about professional attire are inappropriate for our climate. There is still considerable distance between the government and the people, and little opportunity for people to actively engage in governance. Christianity is the dominant religion, whether or not the people who claim it actually practice it. The economy is prioritized over people. Racism and colorism are rampant, and people are still afraid to name them. Laws discriminate against women. Human rights are not valued. Positive changes, to increase access to human rights, are debated and few people are interested in, much less equipped to, advocate in the face of an opposition that has gained power through colonial means.

The criminalisation of marital rape has been discussed for years. In 2018, the then government drafted a bill to amend the Sexual Offences Act to criminalise marital rape without acknowledging it as rape. There were many unacceptable flaws in that bill, and it was rejected.

It was not until 2022 that we saw another amendment bill – the one that is currently being discussed to what seems to be no end. The government refuses to do what it knows must be done, pandering to the loud and wrong voices of church leaders who are, frankly, misogynists.

The church leaders who support the criminalisation of marital rape are not nearly as vocal or consistent as those who oppose the rights of women.

The Minister of Social Services and Urban Development, who has responsibility for the Department of Gender and Family Affairs, has said, without shame, that the government is waiting to hear for a meeting date from a particular church.

What? The bill is being held up because one church wants to have its say and has yet to even propose a meeting date? And this is after the government held a “symposium” that was specifically for church leaders?

Would the government wait to get a meeting date from a non-governmental organisation that promotes women’s rights? Would it stall on legislation regarding finance when the International Monetary Fund or Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development are making their demands? Who could delay its decision-making on such issues, and by calling for a meeting and offering no date?

The truth is that the position of the church should not matter when it comes to human rights and governance.

The church may be important to its members. It may be a useful network through which to reach people. It may be a guide for the people in it. It is not, however, the government and should not control the government. We, of course, know that the church wields its power regularly and is able to do this because political parties depend on them for votes. It is no secret that religious leaders use their pulpits politically, and in partisan ways.

This is the only reason the government panders to it while undervaluing and, in many cases, ignoring the positions of and evidence provided by people who represent – not control – people, especially those in situations of vulnerability.

The government has allowed the church to cement the narrative, easily disproven by reading the constitution, that The Bahamas is a “Christian nation”, that this was the intent of the framers of the constitution, and that this is the way it must be.

Among our tasks, 50 years into independence, is to gain a clear understanding of the constitution.

It has been, for far too long, a mysterious document whose actual contents are deemed irrelevant or unimportant. It has been treated as though it can only be read and understood by a particular class of people.

One of the only things most people ever hear about the constitution is a lie — that it states that The Bahamas is a “Christian nation”.

Let’s be clear. The Bahamas is not a Christian nation. Not constitutionally, and certainly not in practice. The violence and corruption that people actively participate in every day is evidence of that this is not a Christian nation, unless Christianity is violent and supports corruption.

First, we need to know that the part of the constitution that people reference when they declare that The Bahamas is a “Christian nation” is the preamble.

The prefix “pre” means before, or prior to. The root word “amble” means to walk at a slow pace. A preamble “walks before”. It leads to something else. It is an introductory statement that precedes, or comes before, a law. The preamble, then, is not the constitution.

The preamble, which is not an Article of the constitution, says, “founded on Spiritual Values”. It does not say “Christian nation.” It states “the preservation of [our] Freedom will be guaranteed by a national commitment to Self-discipline, Industry, Loyalty, Unity and an abiding respect for Christian values and the Rule of Law.”

Interestingly, when the preamble is brought up, reference is not often made to the rule of law, despite its proximity to the misquoted term “Christian values.” The rule of law means that everyone is accountable under the law, that the law which ensures human rights, is applied evenly, that laws are adopted and administered in a fair process, and that adequate resources allow for timely access to justice.

This, obviously needs more attention. We know that the rule of law is severely lacking in The Bahamas. Say “human rights” and see what happens. Look at the way laws are written and who is protected by them. Pay attention to the ways laws are passed, and which laws are put to the public for “discussion” which may as well call what it really is – delay. Read and watch the news to find out how the court system (dys) functions.

The preamble states that the nation is “founded on Spiritual Values” and “spiritual” is not specific to any religion. The constitution itself, in fact, entitles every person to freedom of religion and to “propagate his religion or belief in worship, teaching, practice and observance.” It even states no person attending any place of education shall be required to receive religious instruction or to take part in or attend any religious ceremony or observance[…].” Why, then, would our laws be based upon any religion?

Individuals have freedom of religion in The Bahamas. Declaring it to be a Christian nation would be incongruent with that right, so this did not happen in the constitution. The Bahamas is not bound to any religious text or interpretations thereof. It is a secular nation.

Chapter three of the constitution is titled “Protection of fundamental rights and freedoms of the individual. Importantly, Article 15 entitles everyone, regardless of race, place of origin, political opinions, colour, creed, or sex, to a set of freedoms including life, liberty, security of person, protection of the law, and freedom of expression.

How has the right to security of person been made accessible to women? How has the right to protection of the law been made accessible to women? In what ways have these rights been denied?

We can start, of course, with gender-based violence against women which includes marital rape. If the definition of rape in the Sexual Offences Act excludes spouses, what does that mean for women who are raped by their husbands? They are denied, by Section 3 of the Sexual Offences Act, the right to security of person which includes the right to be free from all forms of violence.

They are also denied the right to protection of the law. The Sexual Offences Act does not protect married women from sexual violence inflicted by their spouses. It must be amended. Marital rape must be criminalised.

We need to understand our laws and how they impact people. We need to know what the constitution actually says, and not rely on what people say about the constitution. We need civic education, and not limited to school-age children.

Far too many of us left school with little or no knowledge about the role of the government, the constitution and legislation, and citizens of the country. A public civic education campaign is desperately needed in this country. Without it, independence means very little.

We can have a flag and other symbols, sing a national anthem, and put the faces of Bahamians on the national currency, but none of that makes us free. None of that secures our rights. None of that makes this country a better place.

Independence ought to be about the people – our rights and freedoms, our ability to set and progress toward national goals, and our realisation of this place as a home that we would and could actively choose for ourselves.

Independence has little meaning for most of us, not because we do not understand it, but because we do not feel it or access the freedom and pride it promises. We will not get there without gender equality.

Ending gender-based violence against women and girls must be a national priority, and one that is aggressively actioned, even in the face of opposition.

People and their human rights have to be more important than votes, concentrated power, and the lure of money from corruption and collusion.

The colonisers did not see it that way before 1973. Does the government of today?

Published in The Tribune on February 22, 2023

In celebration of a special occasion, I was one of four people having dinner at a fairly popular restaurant, known for its focus on meat, at a major resort in New Providence. The restaurant was selected to give the guest of honour as many options as possible, allowing her to be as indulgent as she wished. Since I choose not to eat meat, I looked at the menu online and identified the items that I could order and hoped to enjoy.

The service was far from exceptional, but we generally got what we needed. As I have done many times before at many different restaurants, I ordered an appetizer with a side dish to be served as my main course. No server has ever objected or shown disapproval. This time, however, the server cocked his head to the side, raised his eyebrows, sighed, and shrugged as he seemed to go from, “What in the world…” to “Oh, well, whatever you say” in a matter of seconds.

I ordered a rather popular beverage that is quite easy to make, but it left much to be desired. After one sip, it sat on the table as we had appetizers and the main course. It was not until we had finished the main course that someone on staff — not our server — finally noticed the glass was full and inquired about it. A replacement was offered, but at this point, it was not needed. The servers were simply not as attentive as they ought to have been, though they seemed to pass by often and stopped a few times to ask the oldest man at the table if he wanted more wine and if everything was fine. The rest of us did not seem to be of any concern to them.

When I go out for dinner, I look forward to having dessert. In fact, other people in my party always look to me at a certain point and ask me what I plan to order for dessert. It is expected, and it is no secret that I will leave my main course unfinished to ensure that I can enjoy dessert. A server came to the table and asked if anyone would be having dessert. This question, again, was posed to the oldest man. He looked to me, and I confirmed that I wanted to see the menu. The server returned with one dessert menu, held it out to me, and I reached for it, only for it to be swiftly retracted. The server closed the menu, walked around me, and offered it to the man. While I have experienced and witnessed patriarchy, misogyny, and sexism with regularity all my life, I was stunned. I looked at the other people at the table who were equally shocked by what had happened. There was uncomfortable laughter, but I could not participate. I was disgusted.

The man to my right asked, “Do you want to see it?” and held the menu out to me. I said, “No, apparently it’s for men.” At this, everyone at the table laughed. Someone else said, “Why would he do that?” Another commented that it was “wild.”

“It’s not like you’re children and you need your daddy to order for you,” the guest of honour remarked. No one could make sense of what had happened.

None of us ordered dessert. At the table, I was the only person who usually gets dessert. Sometimes another person is encouraged to get something sweet when I make a selection, but none of them ever order it unless I do first. When I shared this story with friends a few days later, they commented on the absurdity as well as the stupidity of the act. “Actually, it’s usually the women who order dessert,” one of them said. The rest of us nodded in agreement.

There are so many questions that arise from this experience. Why was only one menu brought to the table? Why was it offered to me in the first place, and then taken back? Why did the server think the menu should go to one particular person — a man? Was this a part of the staff training?

As I carry out my work as a women’s rights advocate and a gender consultant, people sometimes try to argue with me about the facts I present which have ever-present evidence. Patriarchy exists, and it leads to men — whether fathers, partners, or brothers — being regarded as decision-makers and custodians of women. Misogyny is ingrained, leading to women being disregarded, ignored, and intentionally excluded in favor of men. Sexism features prominently in our daily lives as the preference for men is demonstrated over and over again. I had dinner with three people, and these three ugly realities — patriarchy, misogyny, and sexism — were brought to the table. They are not just words or ideas. They are behaviour-shaping systems and beliefs. They impact our daily lives. On this particular occasion, they were a nuisance and a barrier to my favourite part of dinner, but they regularly bring much worse effects in the form of gender-based violence.

Women can give example after example of being patronised, infantilised, and disrespected by men, all because they are women. How many times have you heard a woman talk about the ridiculous behaviour of men when they are parallel parking or reversing? It is not because they lack the ability to do it, but that men are convinced that they are someone superior to women and that women need their assistance when driving. With rear and sideview mirrors and, these days, cameras affixed to vehicles, men still have a sense of self-importance and try to impose themselves upon women who are doing fine without them.

Over the next week, pay attention to the way men engage with women. Take note of the instances when you recognise patriarchy, misogyny, and sexism in action. Share your list on social media. Talk to your family members, colleagues, and friends about the incidents.

For the next week and beyond, when you have the opportunity and can do so safely, intervene. Call it by its name so everyone involved and observing can learn from it. It is not enough to say you love and support women. Address the people who are failing, help others to see the relatively small ways women are discriminated against, and promote gender equality through action.

Recommendations

1 Develop and commit to a savings plan. Whether you have your Christmas bonus in hand or it is on the way, this is a good time to make a commitment. Starting a savings practice can be difficult, from thinking $10 is not enough to make a difference to competing options for the use of $1000. It feels good to treat yourself to tangible goods and may be less immediately gratifying to, instead, put money in a high-interest savings account, but it is worth the exercise in discipline. Once your bills are paid and necessities are taken care of, make as generous a deposit as you can to start your new saving practice. Decide how much you will be able to add to the account on a weekly or monthly basis and make sticking to it easy for yourself. This could mean setting a calendar reminder for the first Tuesday in every month or being specific about where that money will come from. Maybe you will reduce your weekly purchased lunches by one or dedicate your overtime payments to the account. Do what works for you. Push yourself, but make sure you can keep the commitment.

2 Go to therapy. There is no substitute for it. No self-help books, religious books, long phone calls with friends, spa day, vacation, passion project, or workout can take the place of a trained professional listening to you and providing guidance to help you to improve your mental health and, by extension, your life. Addiction, anxiety, stress, depression, grief, relationship issues, swift and frequent mood changes, and big transitions are all good reasons to go to therapy. They do not, however, need to be the reason you start. It is helpful to have a strong relationship with a mental health professional before you are in crisis or need a specific type of support so you have the opportunity to get to know each other, and they can learn more about you, your background, and what you are working toward. Nothing has to be wrong for you to benefit from therapy. It is important to be able to unpack, pose questions, and have unfiltered conversations without judgment or biased responses. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right therapist for you, and the trial and error process is far less stressful when you are not in a rush or desperate for immediate help.

Published in The Tribune on December 14, 2022.

I moderated a conversation with Phylicia Alexander from RedRoot SVG in St. Vincent and the Grenadines and Joseph-Zane Sikulu from 350 Pacific in Tonga. We talked about recent experiences of climate disaster, ways to meet the needs of people in situations of vulnerability, and feminist approaches for disaster relief in the future.

This week, a family’s story was made public in a request for financial assistance. The wife and mother had been financially supporting the family of four while the husband was a stay-at-home father. The mother is now seeking financial assistance to help her support herself and her children because her spouse has abandoned them. There is more to the story, but the part that is relevant here is that, in both anger and humour, people have made comments that make clear their disregard for domestic and care work because it is still considered “women’s work”.

In January, I wrote in this column about domestic work. There was a focus on Bahamian attitudes toward migrant workers, domestic work and what it is worth. This time, let’s look at domestic and care work within the family and as a contribution to economic production.

A New York Times article published in March last year, for International Women’s Day, put the value of women’s unpaid labour at $10.9 trillion – higher than the revenue of Walmart, Apple and Amazon. It noted little attention is paid to this labour until it is disrupted, and it is unequally distributed. In the US women do four hours of unpaid labour while men, on average, do two and a half hours. Countries with the largest difference in time spent on unpaid labour between men and women are India, Turkey and Portugal. It is not surprising those with the smallest difference are Sweden, Denmark, Norway and Canada.

For many years, women were relegated to the domestic sphere while men went out to work and earned the income needed to provide for their households. They paid for accommodation, food and other necessities. Women were tasked with keeping the house clean, doing laundry, grocery shopping, preparing meals, taking care of children and other tasks such as collecting mail and rearing animals depending on the family’s resources. Some women took on work they could do from home such as dressmaking to help make ends meet.

During the Second World War, many (white) women entered the workforce for the first time. The men were away and there was work to be done, so women became factory workers, auxiliaries to the armed forces, drivers and nurses. With women working, it was critical that care needs be otherwise met. For example, nurseries were funded by states.

Since the Second World War, women continued to work. Even in homes where the men returned, women continued to have the responsibility of domestic duties. The economy changed and women’s participation in it changed significantly, but gender ideologies remained the same. Women then starting working two shifts — their paid work outside of the home and the unpaid labour at home that was not shared by the men.

Before women started entering the workforce, their domestic and care labour was what allowed men — their husbands, sons and brothers — to undertake paid work. While the men were out working for pay, women were ensuring their homes were clean, meals were prepared for them, clothing was washed, dried, and ironed and children were clean and being educated. Men’s paid work was made possible by women’s unpaid work which means the economy was not only fuelled by men’s labour, but by the labour of women that took place behind the scenes.

Today most households depend on two incomes. It is not as easy and, in many cases it is impossible, for a family to get by on one income so we do not see as many stay-at-home mothers. Still, like decades ago, there is the misconception that domestic and care work are for women, regardless of whether or not we are in the workforce. Feminist organisers are talking more about the burden of domestic and care work, the need to value it, and the importance of sharing it. Feminist economists point out this unpaid work should be factored into the gross domestic product (GDP) as it is directly linked to economic production.

Of course, there are households that are far ahead having recognised that domestic and care work are, in fact, work. No matter who is doing it, it requires time, effort and skill. It is full-time work when a household can hire someone to do it, but simply a duty when someone — usually a woman or girl — in the family does it. We are seeing more men participate in domestic and care work. It may not be a 50:50 split, but some people are realising it should not be the women’s burden and it is unfair to expect one person to take on so much work in addition to their formal employment.

All work has value, no matter who does it. We have to not only recognise that value, but share the burden of unpaid work. It is unacceptable to expect women to take on these tasks simply because we are women. We are not naturally better suited to it. Society has taught us there are specific requirements we must all meet in order to be seen as “real men” and “real women” and those requirements are based on the social construct of gender. This construct limits us in many ways and leads to dehumanisation of certain groups of people.

The suggestion that a man is not a man because he is a stay-at-home father who takes care of his children and the household is ignorant and harmful. Just as women have done this work for decades, enabling their husbands to work, men can do the same to enable women to work. In dual income-households, it is favourable for people to share the unpaid labour so that no one has to work the entire second shift.

Contrary to the misguided assertions made on social media over the past few days — and for much longer in social dialogue — when someone is earning an income while their partner takes care of the household and children, it is a fair exchange. The income-earning partner is not “taking care of” the partner working in the home. Income does not determine whether or not an activity is work and it certainly does not determine the value of that work.

The story that was shared about the Bahamian woman in need of assistance is sad. It is upsetting. It looks as though the woman and her children have been wronged, abandoned by her partner and their other parent. It is possible to express displeasure and even disgust at the actions of her partner without insulting people — both women and men — by devaluing the domestic and care work they do. We do not “take care of” live-in domestic or care workers. We compensate them for their work. It is quite similar in the household. One person’s work makes it possible for the other person to work.

Dusting the furniture, sweeping and mopping the floor, making the beds, doing the laundry, making the bank deposits, paying the utility bills, supervising the children’s virtual schooling, visiting grandparents and cooking dinner are tasks that can be done by people of all genders. They are disproportionately done by women and mostly women who also have paid work. Men need to share the burden of that work.

We need to understand the gender boxes we have been put in do not serve us. They were built to make it easy to profit off of us, convincing us that our value was tied to what we were able to produce. By now, we should know we are more than that. Given our experience with the COVID-19 pandemic, we should also see and feel the weight of the invisible labour other people have been doing while we were not looking.

It is not too late to make the shift for an equitable division of labour which is not based on gender but our care and commitment to each other as families, communities and nations.

Spare moments . . .

1. The Body Myth by Rheeaa Mukherjee.

In this novel, Mira is drawn into the lives of Sara and Rahil by what seems to be a chance encounter—seeing Sara have seizure in the park. Sara’s husband Rahil recruits Mira to be Sara’s friend. Mira tries to figure out whether or not Sara is truly sick and, if she is, how Rahil may be causing it. What seems like a story of friendship becomes a love story, a mystery and commentary on the human body.

2. A Million Little Things.

On its third season, this ABC drama series follows a group of friends immediately after the death of one member of the group. When Jon dies by suicide, everyone is shocked because he always seemed so happy and was a central figure in their lives. As they band together, this group of friends deals with the reveal of secrets new and old. From Rome dragging himself through a job he hates to Gary refusing to accept Maggie’s decision not to have chemotherapy, season one is packed with important themes, tough decisions and tests friendship.

3. Sunday Drive.

Every week, Bahamian DJ Ampero creates a playlist this is perfect for, you guessed it, a nice drive on a Sunday. It is also perfect for relaxing showers, dinners at home and doing laundry. Sunday Drive is a great way to find new songs and artists to add to your own. This week’s playlist includes Carry Me Home by KOKOROKO, Pineapple Jam by Saib and As You Are by cktrl. Find it on Spotify and Tidal.

Published in my weekly column in The Tribune on March 24, 2021.